


H and L

by stylinsofab



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Self Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:48:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1512800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinsofab/pseuds/stylinsofab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started when the young curious boy watched in awe as his older best friend carved their first initials into a tree, wondering if it was maybe just a playful thing or possibly even something more then that. </p>
<p>"H and L, I like it" Louis smiled as stepped back from the tree and smiled proudly at his carvings, "Do you like it?" He asked turning over to Harry. "Yeah. I like it." Harry bit his lip to be kept from smiling to hard. Was he supposed to be feeling these butterflies in his stomach?</p>
            </blockquote>





	H and L

**Author's Note:**

> so this might trigger some people because it includes self harm and homophobic language so please do not read if you get triggered easily

It all started when the young curious boy watched in awe as his older best friend carved their first initials into a tree, wondering if it was maybe just a playful thing or possibly even something more then that.

"H and L, I like it" Louis smiled as stepped back from the tree and smiled proudly at his carvings, "Do you like it?" He asked turning over to Harry. "Yeah. I like it." Harry bit his lip to be kept from smiling to hard. Was he supposed to be feeling these butterflies in his stomach?

-

Harrys family was a well known family in their town, his father owning almost every building in Lowery Town and his mother always hosting big organizations. So of course the Styles children always had to improve others and set a good image of themselves. Gemma, his older sister, is Miss Lowery Town so I guess you could say that Harry had to live up to his elders. The thing is, he hasnt really done anything special or really doesnt want to. Yeah he has great grades and a lot of friends but lately the only thing he focuses on is Louis Tomlinson. Louis is sixteen, two years older then Harry is and a bit intimidating if you ask Harry. The older boy has a car, In high school, A loud bubbly personality that Harry so craves for, and he also has such beauty, but he was also his best friend. Louis and Harry have known each other since they were basically children, although Louis still considers Harry a child.

Something strange was happening to Harry and it scared him a whole lot. Everytime he saw the blue eyed boy, his stomach twisted into a bubbly feeling. He couldnt help but feel insecure and shy; But at the same time he also felt like himself around him. Everyday Harry had to remind himself that he liked  _girls_ and only  _girls._ He mentally put that thought in his head from the moment he woke up to when he falls asleep. The young boy tries to check out the 'hot girls' in their grade, like all his other friends do but he shows no intrest and just continues to pretend. "Harry its okay if you like boys." Niall, his best friend, spoke one day. Harrys blood pressure rose and he balled his fists up, he  _hated_ that word. "Im not gay! Im not a faggot!" Harry shouted, leaving Nialls house and making sure to slam the door shut loud enough for his distraught friend to hear. 

That night he sat in his room and held his knees up to his face while crying, Which was also the first night he hurt himself. The broken boy slit a razor across his wrist and telling himself that he deserved to feel that pain, he deserved it because he wasnt normal. 'I like girls, I like girls' Harry repeated to himself over and over to the rhythm of the razor across his pale skin. Blood dripped onto the bathroom tiles and held the blade tightly in his hands, silently crying and hoping that theres a chance that he could be normal just like all the other boys. The morning after Harrys break down is the morning Louis saw the sadness filling Harrys eyes as they walked to school. "Haz are you alright?" Louis frowned noticing his best friends unusual silence. "I didnt get enough sleep." Harry lied. He hated lying to his best friend but he couldnt actually tell him why he looks like shit. "Bet you stayed up all night stalking that girl Lilly Jones on Facebook, eh?" Louis joked, bumping elbows with Harrys. A forced smile was shown on Harrys face, as he just kept nodding. 

"Well this is where I leave ya! I'll see you after school, and make sure to have a brilliant day!" The bubbly boy smiled, patting Harry on the back and walking towards the High school. The Middle School and High School were right across from eachother, which made it perfect for both Louis and Harry to sneak out to the forest behind both schools and just lay next to each other, to just  _talk._ "I am so sorry" Niall came up to his sad friend, startling him a bit. "I didnt mean to assume -" Niall stopped, getting cut off by Harry. "Its okay. I overreacted." Harry reassuringly nodded, as Niall sighed and they both walked to class in silence.

 

 

"Hey remember when I carved that when I was like twelve and you were ten?" Louis asked, pointing to Harrys favorite tree that he secretly visited everyday. "Oh yeah!" Harry nodded, pretending that he never visits it. They laid down by the big tree and both sighed as they watched the sunrise fall down. "What are you doing this weekend?" Louis asked, turning his head to look at Harry. "My dad is forcing me to go to one of my moms organizations" He answered but automatically frowning due to knowing that Louis probably wanted to do something with him. Louis threw a random rock he found laying next to him and cursed under his breath, "He always makes you do stuff." Harry shrugged, "I have to set a good image of myself I guess. Kinda sucks but Gemmas on a roll and I am just not" The dissapointed boy crosses his arms as Louis looks over to him once again. He throws his arm around Harry as a comfortable gesture and rubs his back slightly. "One day, When youre 18, You can make your own choices." Louis stated, as they both continued to watch the sun come down.

 

After a few moments of silence, Harry accidentally blurred it out, "Niall thinks im gay". Louis looked down at the embaressed boy and laughed a bit. "Whys that?" He asked casually. "Not sure." Harry silently answers.. Wanting to punch himself for even saying anything. "Well are you? I mean I wouldnt care." Louis wondered. A bunch of things ran throughout Harrys mind and he felt his face getting hot while his hands starting to get sweaty. He once again mentally told himself that he likes girls, over and over and over into his brain. "Nope." Harry answered a little to quickly. Louis nodded, but Harry couldn't help but see a disappointing look on his face.

 

"Harry why dont you bring a date to the dinner party that your mother is hosting, How about that one Lilly girl." His father suggested one evening at dinner, staring Harry down from across the table. "You only want me to bring her because her family is also well known" Harry mumbled, playing with the chicken on his dinner plate. "Excuse me?" His father asked sternly, raising his eyebrow. "Nothing. Why cant I just bring a friend? Like Louis or something" He suggested; leaving Gemma and his mother in silence. "You are not a faggot Harry, If you bring a boy to the dinner party then everyone there will think you are a queer." His father raised his voice. Harrys heart sunk down to his stomach at the word 'Queer' and 'Faggot'. He groaned and loudly slammed his fork down and went upstairs in his room to lock his door.  _'you like girls.. you like girls..'_ Harry repeated to himself once again. He looked at his computer from across the room and bit his lip, getting a bit curious.

'Gay Porn..'

He hesitantly typed in and clicked on the first video he saw of two young teenagers. Harry grew hard as he watched the two boys fuck each other, leaving Harry to run his hand down his stomach and into his pants. He stroked his now hard dick slowly and bit back from moaning as he saw one of the boys start sucking on the other boys dick. Harry started pumping his leaking cock while picturing a familiar face in his head. The boy in the video started moaning out loudly and as did Harry, but he was moaning _Louis_ name. Harry pumped harder and faster as the room got hot and all he could think about was Louis doing all those stuff to him. Harry bucked forward as he came harder into his hand, biting his lip from moaning to loud. He quickly erased his history and sat down on to his bed, letting the thought of him liking gay porn sink in.

_im gay.. im gay.. im gay.._ Harrys thoughts were taking over his mind where he could no longer control it and tell himself that he actually like girls. "Oh my god I think im gay.." Harry sobbed into his hands, hating himself for so many reason. Gemma ran in and saw her little brother gasping for air from so much crying. "Harry, Whats wrong??" Gemma sat down next to the crying boy and rubbed his back. "You cant tell anyone Gem" Harry whimpered looking up with his bloodshot eyes. "I wont I promise" Gemma anxiously answered. "I think.. I think im gay" Harry hiccuped, saying it aloud once again which tared him apart even more. "Oh Harry..." Gemma weakly smiled to reassure Harry thats its okay. "I still love you just as much as I did before. Theres nothing wrong with being gay, you're still human" She added, giving Harry a long hug as Harry calmed down and held onto his older sister.

 

-

Harry was now seventeen and Louis was now nineteen. Harry still has a huge ass crush on his best friend, actually he might even be in love with him. Harry hasnt told anyone about him being gay except Gemma. Part of him still hated himself for it because he knew his father and mother wouldnt accept him the way he is. But today was the day that Harry was finally going to tell his second best friend everything. "Niall theres something I  need to say" Harry blurted out while they were both watching The Avengers. "What?" Niall asked, turning to Harry with half of his mouth filled with popcorn. Harry started to panic because he hasnt told anyone else and he was just so nervous. "I told Gemma when I was fourteen. And youre the second person to know, So I need you to swear not to tell anyone" Harry bit his lip, making Niall swear. "Okay well.. Im... Im gay." Harry finished. Niall pounced on Harry and gave him a huge ass hug. "I was waiting for you to say something!" Niall shouted excited as Harry laughed. "Is it obvious?" He asked. "No, Just when youre around Louis though. Whenever you look at him it makes me want to find someone to look at like that" Niall admits. Harry hid his blush and giggled. "Im proud of you mate, but the whole cuteness needs to stop." Niall chuckled. "Shut up" Harry smirked, playfully slapping Niall.

"What is going on here!" Louis shouted, walking into Harrys living room. They both turned around to find a smiling Louis, arms open and waiting for a hug. Harry laughed and pounced on top of Louis, leaving them both on the ground laughing endlessly as Niall tried to hide his smile. "You're back from visiting Doncaster!" Harry smiled staring down at him. "Yes I am love, but could you please get off my ribcage" Louis breathlessly smiled. Harry scurried off the older boy and smiled at him while he got up. "Hello Niall!" Louis patted his shoulder as he plopped down right next to him on the couch. "Tommo!" Niall greets. Harry sits down next to Louis as Louis automatically puts his arm around him, not even noticing his usual movements. Its almost like he was mentally trained to touch Harry. Niall looked at his watch, "Gotta go meet Zayn and Liam at Applebees!" He quickly got up and sneaked a wink to Harry. "We could come?" Louis suggested. "NO!" Niall shouted before walking out of the front door. "Okay then. Guess he was in a bit of a rush" Louis shrugged.

This was where Harry always felt insecure, by himself and him and Louis basically cuddling. He was just so awkward and never knew what to say or do with his hands. "Love, is everything alright?" Louis asked, Harry blushing at the nickname but Louis calls that to everyone so maybe hes just nothing special. "Yep. Are you?" Harry asked back, looking at Lou. "Actually theres something you need to know" Louis smiled confidently. Harry nodded for him to go on, nervous about what he was going to say. "Im gay." Louis casually said, but looking for Harrys reaction. The younger boys heart raced and he tried not to get way to happy. "I have been for since I was sixteen, Didnt get the nerves to say anything till now" Louis finished, biting his lip. Harry automatically hugged Louis and whispered in his ear how proud he was for saying something. Harry wasnt ready to come out yet, He was still processing the whole thing in his head. The only sexual thing hes ever done with a boy was to himself, and thats jerking off to some gay porn. "I actually met someone really nice in Doncaster..." Louis spoke up. Harry pulled back and tried to hide the dissapointment on his face. Harry felt angry and his blood boiling, but at the same time he wanted to break out and cry. He forced a smile onto his face, "Oh who?" He asked. "A guy named Aden, Super cute and sweet" Louis nodded but a bit uncomfortable for some reason.

"So happy for you Lou, I really am. But I think its time for you to leave" Harry said, leaving Louis confused. "What? Why?" The hurt older one asked, staring at Harry. "My dads gonne be home any minute and I never asked for anyone to come over, I dont want to get in to much trouble" Harry lied. "Oh" Louis noded understandingly. They exchanged hugs but something was different between them two now. Once Louis left, Harry immediately kicked the nearest object he could find and cursed loudly. "Harry! What are you doing?" Gemma asked, coming downstairs. "He fucking found someone else! Im to fucking late Gemma!" Harry shouted, tears running down his face one by one. Before Gemma got to say anything, Harry ran upstairs past her and slammed his door shut. He locked his door and got out his razor, staring at the sharp object that hes been using for the past couple of years. Scars scattered on Harrys hips and thighs, Only a few on his wrists. He brought the sharp blade to his wrist and closed his eyes tightly while tears ran down his face and onto the new cuts which burned him slightly. Harry hated himself for being to late.

 

-

"Its been two weeks. Talk to him already" Liam sighed, watching Harry fiddle with his thumbs. "Li, Were just distance nowadays. Its gonna be awkward" Harry shrugged. "What even happened" Zayn asked, obviously annoyed by both Harry and Louis. "Im not sure, We just stopped talking" Harry answered flatly. "He thinks youre ignoring him because hes gay" Liam blurted out, Leaving Zayn to glare at him. "What? I know he told me not to say that but-" Liam got cut off by Harry, "What!" Zayn and Liam nervously looked around the room to avoid eye contact with harry. "Ugh hes so stupid!" Harry mumbled under his breath, leaving Zayn confused. "Why is he stupid? Because frankly you're the stupid one for ignoring him after he told you he was gay! Are you homophobic?" Zayn confronted, crossing his arms. " No! Im fucking gay!" Harry shouted at Zayn angrily, leaving Liam and Zayn both silent. "W-What?" Liam stuttered, not expecting that. "He told me he met someone and I got jelaous. So I avoided him angrily, Because I fucking love him" Harry said aloud and never have been this upfront before. "Sorry mate, I didnt know. Does he?" Zayn asked. Harry frowned and nodded no, shoving his face into his hands. "I think you should tell him" Liam pats Harry on the shoulder. "Its so embarrassing to me. My dad raised me to like girls. But I turned out different and like the same gender?? To me its just so weird" Harry sighed. "Thats understandable, but you cant help who you love" Zayn smiled reassuringly to the sad boy. Harry nodded, giving Liam and Zayn a hug. "I'll talk to him tomorrow, Now I have to get home. Bye guys"

 

Right when Harry walked in to the front door, His father pushed him on to the wall. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He growled in Harrys face and he got so terrifying. "Get off of our son now!" His mum demanded, leaving his scary father pushing off of him. "Honey, Me and your father found something on your computer.." She frowned. "I checked your history to see if youve been using those studying websites I gave you, But instead I found fucking gay porn!" His father raised his voice angrily, leaving Harry shaking and speechless. "I-Im sorry dad.." Harry stuttered. "Sorry wont cut it. Your mother and I didnt raise you to be a faggot! I will not tolerate a faggot in my home. Leave!" His father roared, making Harry run upstairs and quickly pack his stuff angrily. He heard his mother tell his father that he took things out of hand, but all you could hear was harrys father cursing. Harry quickly texted Gemma, **'I know you're out with friends, Dad kicked me out because he found out I was gay. I'll call you tomorrow x H'**

Harry wiped way his tear and grabbed his bookbag, running past his crying mother and yelling father. He fought back more tears as he decided wear he was going to go. About a ten minute drive later, He ended up in Louis' driveway. Gulping, He stepped out of his car and rang the Tomlinsons doorbell. "Its Harry!" Daisy happily gasped, Leaving Louis' mum walking to the doorway. "Its quite late Harry, Are you alright?" She asked worryingly, seeing Harrys upset face. "Im so sorry to come this late, But may I speak to Louis?" He asked nervously. "He's in his room sweetheart" Louis' mum nodded, letting Harry walk in. 

"Hey stranger" Harry gulped, walking into Louis' room and him turning around. "Harry..?" Louis asked. The sound of Louis' voice broke Harry apart and leaving him dropping his bag and crying. Louis instincts made him get up and hug Harry close to him, rubbing his back as his best friend fell apart in his arms. "Shhh Shh, I've got you" Louis frowned, upset at the sight of Harry distraught. They sat down on Louis' bed as Harry broke apart from the hug. "Im so sorry. I didnt mean to ignore you." He rushed out, leaving the older boy smile slightly. "Its alright Haz, Im just glad youre here with me now" Louis answered. "My dad..He kicked me out. I had no where else to go and I just kept on driving and ended up in your driveway without even noticing. I dont know what to do.." The broken boy hiccuped. "Why did he kick you out?" Louis asked, looking Harry into his grieving eyes. "Because.. Because im gay." Harry finally said. A weight lifted off his shoulders and after years of waiting to tell the one he loves, he finally did it. "Ive been gay since I was ten" Harry whimpered. Louis couldnt help but grab Harrys cheeks and crash his lip onto his.

Harry tensed up for a second before melting into Louis' lips as Louis opened his mouth up more for Harry to get more of him. The kiss was a taste of years, months, weeks, and days of waiting for them to finally have each other. It tasted like freedom, love, and a mix of Harrys tears. It was everything Harry imagined it to be, finally being able to lock his lips with Louis'. Harry moved his hands to the back of the older boys hands and intertwined them together. "You have no idea how long I wanted to do that" Louis laughed, pulling back. Blushing, Harry bit his lip and hid his face. "You're so cute" Louis said before once again pulling Harry into a kiss, before rolling him over so Louis was on top of him while Harry laid down. Their tongues connected as the sound of jeans rubbing against each other and wet kisses filled the room. A little whimper escaped Louis' mouth which made Harrys dick twitch. "Growing hard already?" Louis smirked, panting out of breath. "I cant help it, You're so hot" Harry shrugged, leaning up and passionately making out with Louis.

"Is it to soon to ask if I can suck you off?" Louis hurridly asked, anxiously waiting for an answer. "Please" Harry groaned, bucking his hips at the thought.

Louis pulled Harrys jeans down quickly, but immediately noticing something. Harry totally forgot about the thousands of scars around his hips and thighs, and his worst fear had come true. The last thing he wanted was for Louis to find out about what he does. Louis gently rubbed his thumb over the scars and studied them sadly, then looking up at Harry. "Why didnt you tell me?" Louis whispered, looking back down to the shockingly great number of cuts and scars. Harry couldnt even answer that, leaving Louis speechless and himself speechless. It was obvious  that neither of them were in the mood anymore, Louis got off Harry while Harry frowned and pulled up his jeans, embarrassed and upset. "Im just scared Lou." Harry softly spoke. Louis eyes fell down to Harrys wrists and he quickly pulled up his long sleeve shirt and mouth dropping at the sight of fresh new cuts. "Oh Harry.." Louis awe'd, kissing each and every cut or scar on his wrists, leaving tears stroll down Harrys face. Louis pulled back up and kissed Harry slightly on the lips. "Please stop doing this to yourself"

 

After Louis' mum agreeing that Harry could stay for a couple of days, He fell asleep in Louis' arms that night. He made a secret vow to himself that he will never do it ever again, for Louis.

-

"Its your eighteen birthday! Wake up shit face!" Niall exclaimed, One year later. "Ughhh" Harry groaned, throwing a pillow at Niall. "Wheres my boyfriend?" Louis asked as he walked into their room, and yes, their room. Louis had gotten an apartment with Zayn, while Harry stayed there almost every night so I guess you could say its his apartment too. "Sleeping still." Liam groaned, as Niall and Zayn kept throwing pillows at Harry. "Okay okay! Im up!" Harry stretched, Smiling at the sight of his good looking boyfriend. "You've grown to much. You basically height over me now" Louis frowned playfully, standing on his tippy toes to kiss his younger boyfriend. "Good." Harry smirked, kissing back. "Okay guys, sex later but for now we have the day planned!" Niall clapped, walking and expecting the boys to follow but just turned around to a blushing Harry and rolling eyes Lou. "Oh. You guys havent had sex yet?" Niall asked. "You are way to open to peoples lives" Liam laughed, walking out. "Following Liam because this is so awkward and I dont wanna know about their sex life" Zayn nodded, also walking out. "No we havent but its none of your buisness, now shoo!" Louis said, waving Niall out so he and Harry could have privacy just for a second.

Once Niall walked out, Louis saw Harrys bothered face. "Dont mind what he says, love. I told you i'd wait for you" Louis smiles, stroking Harrys cheek. "Tonight." Harry stated, confident of himself. "What? Are you sure you're ready?" Louis asked. Harry nodded fast, giving Louis a kiss and walking out before it gets more into the conversation.

 

After a day of lazer tagging and making a complete fool out of themsevlves downtown, and visiting Gemma, the boys finally decided to give Harry and Louis some space. "Dont open your eyes!" Louis demanded, leading Harry through the forest. "Louuu where are we going?" Harry whined. "No pouting! Annndddd.. Open your eyes!" Louis smiled excited, where they were standing by a big tree with twinkling lights and the carving from when they were children. "Oh lou! Its beautiful" Harry grinned, giving his boyfriend a kiss. "This is where I decided I loved you. I was only twelve, but I knew I loved you. Didnt quite know what gay was but I knew we were special" Louis shrugged and smiled, looking up at the tree. "You're such a sop" Harry bit his lip, leaning Louis up against the tree and holding his cheeks while Louis wrapped his arms around Harrys waist. They both leaned in and passionately locked lips, Harry opened his mouth to let Louis tongue in and they moved in rythym as little whimpers escaped Louis' throat. Louis slid his tongue across Harrys bottom lip while Harry then grabbed the older boys bum, causing him to moan loudly. "You like that?" Harry groaned, not expecting Louis to make a move back and rub his hand across Harrys crotch area. "Baby you get hard so fast" Louis purred, sticking his hands in Harrys pants and grabbing ahold of his throbbing cock. "Your. Apartment. Now" Harry panted.

 

Louis quickly drove home and immediately lead Harry to his room and threw him on the bed, ripping his shirt off. He sucked on Harrys pale bare skin while swirling his tongue around the mark, leaving Harry panting and with chills wanting more. "P-Please" Harry begged. "Please what baby?" Louis asked, hovering over Harry. "Fuck me" Harry let out, bucking his hips forward for more. Louis didnt take his time at all to grab the lube and condoms. "Turn over for me love" Louis demanded as he slicked his fingers up with lube and watching Harry turn off and take his pants off. Kissing Harrys neck softly, Louis inserted one finger into Harrys virgin hole while the younger boy squirmed under Louis. "Its okay babe, I wont hurt you" Louis whispered, nibbling softly on Harrys ear as he inserted one more finger and thrusts them in and out slowly. "One- One more" Harry pleaded. Louis bit his lip unsure but wanting to give it a try. He slowly entered one more finger and made Harry moan under him. 

"Ready for you lou" Harry managed to breath out, stroking his throbbing hard cock which is now pre leaking cum. Louis positioned himself over Harry and slowly inserted as Harry bit his lip and teared up. "Just tell me when to stop if I  hurt you" Louis said, fully inserting inside of Harry and it felt so damn good. The way Harrys virgin hole fel around Louis' hard dick. "Please move" Harry yelped. Louis kissed Harrys neck reassuring as he started thrusting faster in him, hitting Harrys prostate. "Ooh" Harry moaned loudly. Louis' thrust faster and faster, the room filled with the sound of slapping skin and escaped moans. "So good for me" Louis groaned, feeling closer to Harry. "Gonna cum" Harry whimpered. Louis helped through Harrys climax by thrusting deeper and faster, watching his boyfriend fall apart right in front of him, coming on his bed sheets. Louis quickly pulled out and came on himself, both panting loudly. Louis cuddled Harry under the blankets and shared a warm kiss, "You were so good" He smiled. As always, Harry blushed and nuzzled into his older boyfriend.

"H and L forever" Harry smiled. 

**Author's Note:**

> ok im so bad at going back and checking for typos so if you see any then please ignore lol. love you all and make sure to check out my other two one shots <3


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